Abbott vs. Gillard: Which Future PM Polls Better In Bed?

The upcoming election has been called. For most people it will be decided on the big issues, such as climate change, boat people and to a lessor extent the mining tax. For others, who care less than they should about the election, it will be decided on the petty issues, such as wardrobe, shiny badges, entertaining (less annoying/boring) tv adverts and how well the leaders perform in bed. Over the coming weeks on PoptArt I will be covering the petty issues leading up to this years election, issues that could very well sway your vote if you care as much as I do about politics.

Today’s issue in focus is how well the potential future prime ministers perform in bed. Unfortunately no investigative journalism was possible as Julia Gillard doesn’t do one night stands and wanted to keep the single ladies status to win the single bogan mother vote, and Tony Abbott isn’t the biggest fan of gays. So in an effort to have some content for the article, I will be implying causation from correlation (against the good advice from all my statistics lecturers) to draw conclusions about how well Abbott and Gillard perform in bed courtesy of the UQ sex study.

What can Abbott and Gillard do to please the Australian people.

Being a politically conservative male, Tony Abbott had less orgasms per week, however orgasms more often in the traditional no frills sex. He (as a politically conservative male) dislikes giving oral sex, feels more guilty about sex and is less open to the use of sex toys. Being quite a religious man, Abbott is also less likely to have had sexual contact with another male.

Julia Gillard on the other hand, as a politically liberal female, enjoys giving oral sex and feels less guilty about sex. She also fantasizes more about sex with multiple people and is open to the use of sex toys.

On the current issue it looks like we have a clear winner, Julia Gillard and her politically liberal female colleagues. Stay tuned for more elections updates on the petty issues, right here on PoptArt.

Disclaimer: This article should not be taken seriously or even read by anyone who intends to put serious thought into who they will vote for in the upcoming election. Please do not let this article sway your vote in any way. Tony Abbott is a married man and will probably not sleep with you, so this article is of little relevance to Abbott fans. However, Julia Gillard is a single lady, so your chances are better than with Abbott. Although PoptArt would like to stress that Julia Gillard may not perform as desribed. Just to reiterate, do not take this seriously, it could be bad for your health, and country.